As a child / teenager I was a St John cadet.  We often used to meet at the house of the leader.  Her husband was abusive.  He started coming on to me, playing on my lack of self esteem.  He would tell me how great I was, how great I made him feel.  It started with groping and got worse.  Even now I cry thinking about it, and even here I cant talk about it.  I know I wasnt the only one he used.  Abused.  I think of the other girls and wonder how they are.  I wonder what would have happened if I was brave enough to say something.  But all I felt then, and feel now, was shame.  Humiliation.  I even dated his son for a while.  He dumped me because I wouldnt have sex with him.  I still dont enjoy sex, making love with my husband, 25 years later.