I clicked the submit before I’d finished. Incapacitated from my job I went to university as an older student part time. In 2007 I met another older student on campus. I’d had several platonic friends with other mature aged students on campus so no reason to mistrust this particular middle aged nz reg teacher.
He had his undergrad BA in sociology and psychology from his home uni in Mumbai, as well as having trained and qualified in nz as a teacher. He had a girl friend he said but seemed clingy and dependent. He made me feel uncomfortable and I was having grief counselling at uni so couldn’t deal with his inappropriate attentions. I mistakenly gave my cell ph number to be rid and was grateful when a male relative on campus approached. To escape I quickly volunteered to take my cousin to our aunts house to get away from this mans focused attentions.
He was younger, had a girlfriend he’d said and so I didn’t realise his true intentions so when texted agreed to having a coffee with him publicly in the campus graduate cafe as i had done with other male classmates. He was late so I carried on working on my laptop and had a coffee. But after a while when I’d already bought my own drink he arrived with excuses. He could’ve texted but didn’t so I was suspicious his delay was calculated and deliberate but he said he was held up with his tutor giving feedback on his essays. So he apologised and claimed to be “a gentleman” but he made me uncomfortable so I distanced myself.
However the text messages kept coming. He pestered me persistently and promised he was a gentleman and I couldn’t avoid his texts or bumping in to him on campus so tolerated and agreed to meet him publicly. That was another mistake.
He persuaded me to drive him up to the domain from campus at night. I was embarrassed by his public attentions in front of other students and uni club members so obliged but parked up by the museum within the safety of security guards presence and full lights.
I had recently been housebound and disabled with exacerbation of my disability and painful illness. My dad then sister had just died that same year so I was lonely and numbed by grief and he knew I was vulnerable. My radars were relaxed by pain treatments that left me feeling so good, almost euphoric and increasingly mobile physically for the first time in more than a decade. Besides he was a New Zealand trained teacher with undergrad quals in psychology so I expected the right to be able to trust him.
He persuaded me to drive away from the safety of the well lit monument to the trees as he needed the toilets. There wasn’t any lighting under the trees, no passers by. Next he began groping me and I was stunned as he pulled his little penis out and began masturbating until he ejaculated over my car cloth upholstery. When he’d finished he told me we are not soul mates and I was still Stunned and ashamed of what he’d done so foolishly dropped him at his hostel and retreated to my home to regroup. Yet the sleazier and sleazier texts kept coming so I told him to leave me alone. He refused so I begged him to allow me to grieve and to continue crying for my sister. His reply was “I am aroused”. So I turned the ph off, hoping my poor grieving old mum hadn’t tried to ring.
Next morning more texts awaited when I turned on the phone but I ignored him. He wouldn’t stop, including texting he was “impotent”. So when I met him at uni I told him to leave me be but he conned me with apologies and a sob story saying he was still a gentleman. Nevertheless the groping and exposing himself resumed not long after and he’d kept pestering me to take him to my flat because he lived in a hostel. However I didn’t trust him to come into the sanctity of my home alone. And so I again ignored his texts. I stopped attending classes. After a week he text to beg me to be his friend, that he’d be my “platonic friend”. It was another lie and he never stopped pestering me.
He kept quizzing me if i was a lesbian and then interrogating me about my relationship with my cousin and accusing me of having sexual relations with that cousin at uni. He said he hates women with cats because he can’t get any loving from girls who loved their cars.
Whenever we met I felt awkward and embarrassed so would take him away in my car so the other students wouldn’t see because I felt embarrassed. His hands kept groping and he indecently assaulted me. He pinned me down then pulled out my breasts and sucked them. It was ticklish but he insisted it was a “breast orgasm”. Such an egotist. He’d penetrated me but his prized dick was so small I couldn’t feel it.
I again went away up north to get physical distance but the texts kept coming. My cousin died and while grief stricken he text his sob stories about his family and girlfriends rejection. He played the victim role and persuaded me to meet him at the bus stop in Kerikeri. I thought he’d behave as I was heading up to the safety of a hostel overnight then a Marae full of people. At the hostel the units were empty and he tried to come into my shower. I went straight to sleep but awoke to find he’d been and undone my lavalava while I slept. Then he came in and penetrated me and only got off me when I became upset and angry.
At the Marae stay in the safety of lots of people I was safe. But on the way back to the city I stopped at the little town where my cousin lived. He invited us to stay the night with he and his wife. I accepted for the safety of company and we got separate beds. One of the other guests was a lesbian and he told me I’d love her to “play with your pussy”. I felt sickened by him. He was after all a teacher and all the time he was harassing me he said he was dating an older woman so I was assured he would leave me be.
At one stage he’d let slip he only told women he was impotent in order to get them to relax, fell sorry for him and to get a chance to have sex.
So when he got in a huff I offered to drop him at the bus stop to return him to the city but there was no bus after all. It turned out to be another ruse to get me alone because he’d said my cousin told him the bus timetable but when I headed back to my cousins he asked to be dropped in the town. Later I realised it was because he’d lied about them saying there was a bus.
Yet while we waited for the bus (that never came) another cousin rang to tell me another relative died and I knew I couldn’t leave him to prey on my relatives in the small town as he’d already got “aroused” by my female cousin. So I went back north to that funeral with Sleazo in tow. I knew I was safe with lots of people but didn’t stay as I wanted to get rid of slimy so he manipulated me to drop him at a local seaside backpackers.
The next day the text bombing came again so I picked him up to return to the city. He admitted to having a job interview with his cousins employer in Hamilton so since he’d not given a cent towards transport, I agreed to take him if he’d give gas money. He got the job and next week I eagerly delivered him to hamilton in exchange for gas money and to be rid.
After that I could ignore his phone calls and texts knowing he had no car and couldn’t drive but one day he turned up at university on the shuttle bus, texting to meet. He kept texting but I avoided him, thankfully stuck in motorway traffic, until he texted to say he was on the return bus to hamilton. But that wasn’t the end of it. He’d got Internet girlfriends so I hoped he’d leave me alone but emails kept coming. I ignored him and finally he stopped. Months later the texts and emails resumed, begging me to be his friend again, saying he’d return to auckland if I wanted him to (no thanks). Then he started ringing again. I answered eventually and he’d wanted me to drive him to Wellington where he’d enrolled in a post grad counsellor degree. He’d wanted to go to America to become a famous author so needed to work as a therapist. I refused to be his taxi so he left me be.
But after a few weeks of his ignored emails in which he begged me to be his friend again, I took the chance to tell him what he’d done to me, the sexual harassments, sleazy behaviours, dishonesty and unwanted touching, indecent assaults, sexual abuse and more, was wrong. He was so manipulative he said not to text or email him again. I called his bluff. A few months later his emails came again. I ignored them.
Instead I reported him to immigration because he was only here for nz citizenship. Without a police conviction immigration would do nothing. Nor would the ministers in parliament or the teachers council. So the slime got citizenship and moved to Australia.
I applied to ACC for funding for counselling but their assessing psychologist defended the teacher saying no professional was obliged to behave himself after hours. I told her straight, that the teacher council website says otherwise and then she wrote in her report that I’d attacked her! I complained about her behaviours and attitude but she again lied and ACC exonerated their toady. So much for the ACC INsensitive Claims Unit. They add insult to injury so I’m still suffering an increased sense of betrayal because of ACCs abusiveness.