Behind the smile

 I was treated at a young age of 4 that my boundaries didn’t matter. My father was inappropriate with me as was my step father during later years. My nanas younger boyfriend stole my chance of a first kiss at the age of 13, he was in his 30s. When I spoke up and told my family they said I was making a big deal.  When I was 14 an uncle started the grooming process, seeing I did not have a supportive family and eventually then raped me upon several occasions. When I had the courage to speak up about it I asked another family member if they could stop it, they did Nothing. The uncle then approached each family member in tears saying I was lying and he had treated me like a daughter. They all felt sorry for him, took him on holidays whilst I was broken, picking up the pieces of my life at a young age of 16. During my high school years I lived with a family as a boarder, the male of the house was and still is a practising psychologist. He sexually assaulted me also and again when I spoke up, he and others blamed me.  All of this led me to having a ptsd and depression breakdown during my late twenties. However surprisingly I’ve always had a determination to not believe what my family or the abusers have said, and fighting for a life of happiness. I’m almost there. I will never understand how a person could harm another in such a way and will never understand others blaming victims of a crime, or trying to sweep it under the carpet, perpetuating sexual abuse/ rape.

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