Anonymous

A couple of months after it happened I was told to pick a date to be over it, just draw a line in the sand. Like my responses to the rape were a choice. That level of invalidation as a person, my doubts in myself and my identity. Things I loved and had been life long goals I was afraid to do and didn’t know if I wanted to any more. Who am I if I no longer want the main part of my identity? How can I get a new identity and goals and believe them when I know in an instant they can be gone? This isn’t a simple sprained finger that I can just get over. It’s not a case of falling of a horse or bike or surfboard and getting back on. This is the most intimate violation by someone I trusted. How can I trust? How can I feel safe when the people I turned to when I was most vulnerable took advantage of it and also abused me? My world has been shattered and God knows how to rebuild it when I can’t trust anyone or anything I thought about the world or myself.

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