I was out with friends from Uni, we went to a bar and meet a larger group of guys who we also knew from Uni. I was intoxicated, yes, it was my friends birthday, but I was well aware of my actions and what was happening.
In the group there was a guy I knew, he was the ex-boyfriend of one of my friends, He’s attractive and strong. He and I started talking and things quickly progressed and we kissed. He asked if I wanted to leave the bar and I said Yes knowing exactly what that meant.
We went back to his house where, at first everything was lovely… he was attentive and gentle. We had sex and afterwards he put on Jazz music… I made a comment and asked him if he always listened to Jazz after sex his reply was short, he rolled over to me and started kissing me roughly…At first I wasn’t sure what was happening I didn’t think I had anything to worry about… I KNEW this guy. But he got rough, really rough I told him to stop but he kept going I lay there and wondered how long he would last.. he later forced me to have anal sex with him, which I had never done before and will never do again due to this horrid experience. Afterwards I didn’t know what to think I lay and tried to sleep but I felt sick to my stomach.
I have never said out loud that it was rape… the situation was made difficult after he told some of my closest friends that we had slept together. The idea of them thinking he scored because he got laid and giving him kudos makes me feel shamed and worthless.
I knew him, I knew that I was giving consent for casual sex, he betrayed my trust, he made me feel used and worthless, he physically hurt my body. I said NO and he did not listen.