I remember being a small child and having my vagina looked at by my Mother and Doctors because it was sore and bleeding. I do not know if it was an allergic reaction that caused this or something much worse but it being caused by something worse is something I’ve had to consider in my lifetime. I don’t think there is a way of knowing so I hope it was just the allergic reaction thing.
When I was 5 “Kiss and Catch” was the game they played at school. I used to like climbing trees. My first kiss happened when two boys climbed up a tree after me and would not let me down until I let them kiss me.
When I was 10/11 I used to be allowed to walk short distances by myself – like down to the shops and back. Guys in cars would shout out things at me and wolf whistle – the boys that worked on the rubbish truck were particularly scary as there were heaps of them looking at me and wolf whistling and making comments that I can’t remember and know I couldn’t understand at the time.
When I was 11 my mother asked me to go to a mail box and pick up some mail. As I walked back to her office a bunch of teenage boys exited a Fish and Chip shop where they had been playing arcade games and started to chase me down the street telling me they wanted to kiss me.
I remember the boy at school who touched my vagina in front of the entire class. One girl said that she would come with me to report him – but I felt like I couldn’t handle dealing with the situation and got on with my class pretending like nothing had just happened.
I remember another boy at school who gave me unwanted attention on numerous occasions. The first time it happened I was on Deans duty and he was in detention. I sat at a desk waiting for the Dean to give me tasks and he sat opposite talking about my legs and looking at me. I felt so uncomfortable so I asked the Dean if I could go to class as it did not seem that she had much work for me to do.
I remember the boy who used to purposely drop a ball he was playing with near a girl so that he could retrieve it and at the same time look up her skirt. He used to do this all the time.
My first proper boyfriend was quite possessive. Once I had figured this out I ended the relationship and this made him angry. His payback was to tell my sister how many fingers he could fit inside me – My sister had just turned 14 at this time. He also sent me many messages telling me how useless I was at giving head, etc.
My third boyfriend as a teenager told lots of people I knew about what we had done in the bedroom, including the personal details of it, he made out to people that I was just a play thing when really we spent a lot of time just hanging out and talking about his dad who had recently passed away. He was still going on about the ins and outs of what we did and explicit details of it to entire ‘forums’ on the internet that he was part of in years after.
As a teenager I would sometimes get home after walking back from somewhere and have a moment of delight when I realised that I had not been harassed at all. The truth is that about 7 out of 10 times I would be harassed by young boys and not so young boys in cars. One time I remember someone wolf whistled and threw and apple at me at the same time.
Once I started heading out to bars and clubs and things I generally just expected that I would be groped and touched. Oh and also at music festivals. Guys just seem to know that they can go for it and the girl isn’t going to be able to tell for certain who did it. To be honest Parachute music festival was the most gropey festival I have ever been at – much worse than being up the front at something like Big Day Out.
I remember one time I was groped in a bar and I turned around and there were three men smiling at me. I hit the closest one and they just laughed at me. Later that night they began to push a male friend of mine around and so we left. There were other times where I was verbally harassed by men when I was hanging out with male friends and rather than stick up for myself or let them I just encouraged everyone to not retaliate as I was scared that a fight would start (one time I did stick up for myself and a fight did start).
I remember two times parking my car in town and having men bounce my car up and down while I was in it. One time it was two white men in suits. The other time it was some younger perhaps teenager Islander guys. This sort of bad behaviour is not limited to any particular type.
One of the most scary times was when my friend and I were blocked into a car park by three carloads of men. I think they were just trying to frighten us. We held our hands together and preyed to God to help us (I don’t normally prey) – eventually the cars drove off but everything seemed to be in slow motion even though my heart was racing trying to think of what to do.
I also remember the time my mother told me to turn around and then told my elderly Grandad to slap my ass. I remember turning around and then realising what was happening and saying no. I remember trying to talk to her about it as we drove away from the rest home and she said “Let an old man have some fun”. I remember cutting her out of my life for this and other reasons for quite sometime and then when I did bring it up again she could not remember it and said she would never have done this. I think my Mother may have been sexually abused as a child.
I find that I am lucky to know so many beautiful women. When I get to know people really well I often find that they have suffered through awful things that no person should ever have to go through. I am glad this site exists as most women I know have some sort of story.