I am a male, I grew up in a caring and sensible family. However, in their naivety they let a few nice sounding monsters through our door. One who was supposedly a respected member of the public, having made recordings of musical recitals in Dunedin’s town hall (not even sure if he’s alive still, I don’t really care but if he is, and if he is guilty of other crimes then I hope he is alive and gets reported, I’d happily do it but not here, not like this). Some of you, just reading this will, I’m sure wonder who I am talking about. Anyway, he pretended to befriend me and of course, these people know when you are at a vulnerable point in your life but these dirty low-life’s soon make their intentions clear.
Anyway, he made up some nonsense story about taking me somewhere really cool, I had no idea what he was like, I had only met him once, in his home. Anyway, last minute, he made up a story about needing to go somewhere else but we ended up in the middle of nowhere where he tried to cop a feel. Of course he wanted to get me talking about sex, I was 15 at the time but my natural wariness helped put up some guardedness. However, to this day, I have no idea why I didn’t punch him in the face, take his keys and drive off. I really suspect that is why sometimes these violent attacks on older men happen, perhaps if it ever happened again, I too would snap. I really don’t know and haven’t really ever considered it.
Anyway, he had a bit of a grope through my jeans, all very stupid really and I think he got the message because he drove me home shortly afterwards. In any case, I would happily stand up in a court and tear this guy to pieces. For that only? No, but because I know that anyone with this audacity will have done this many times before and since. This guy has a fraternity, more on that below.
In a twist of irony, some years later, I was in a position of having his son applying for a job at a restaurant where I worked and if my memory serves me correctly, I interviewed him. I remember feeling immediate pity towards this young guy who seemed sincere. Some months later, his father (my abuser) came in to drop off his son’s uniform. It was only me there, I knew then he was a weak and miserable man and that I had overcome his disease with an act of mercy towards his son, not for his sake but because I guess I knew I had the power perhaps, I don’t really know. I guess I knew that he lived with the fear of being found out every day. The reason I’m sure this was not a one off event is some time after the ‘grope’ but a couple of years before this ‘restaurant/son story’, again under the false pretence of going somewhere very interesting sounding. I went along, this was a lonely period in my life I guess, I really can’t remember the self-reasoning for going but I certainly know it wasn’t because I was ‘curious’ in that sense at all. In any case, we ended up at a motel in Dunedin and I remember there were quite a few other grown men there with porn on the tv. I really think I left there quite abruptly, I really don’t think I was welcome. Perhaps at that stage, they knew they just didn’t have somebody vulnerable in any sort of submitting to anything sense. I probably left in disgust as I really have no recollection of what happened next. In fact, now that I think of it, for the first time in my life, as in right now as I write… I have no recollection of what happened after that at all! Which is either because I have a bad memory and it really was all very insignificant but for the first time in my life, I have to wonder was I drugged??? Weird!
The funny thing about that event, is that it suddenly popped into my head a couple of months ago. I wondered who were these men, what despicable things had they done to others (and to me, something I’m literally pondering for the first time – weird!). My time of pity is coming to a close I think, these men, and this man will no doubt all have the appearance of respectability. I can only assume I was intended to be a sacrificial lamb they had jointly discussed (I don’t think I was, I have no recollection of ‘waking up somewhere’) If I ever have the chance, I will tear them limb from limb, not physically, but I will shame them, name them, blame them. I will watch their lives fall apart, I will not be sad if they end their lives. I will not pity their children nor their wives. This paedophilia and rape culture has to stop.
As a footnote, I have a good family, I have 4 boys of my own and I am a good dad in many ways. I too have developed a 6th sense, one that senses any sickos like these (actually my wife seems even more astute on that score) and if anybody like that tried it on with my children, then they truly would regret that day.
Anyway, I know I’m talking from a man’s perspective but I was a boy and for reasons I don’t understand, I let things happen, things I never asked to happen, things that were just not in my thinking. Keep loving your children, even when they appear to grow horns and scream and shout as teenagers. These are still precious souls that only are discovering the world for the first time. Be good to yourself and take time to mend. You will have your day.