I am a fifty year old male. When I was but a young fellow of twelve years of age I was rather lonely. I was attending Papatoetoe High School and was a rather shy lad.
The high school had a tuck shop which had deliveries made by the baker of goodies such as donuts and things.
The baker struck up a conversation with me and quickly set about befriending me so to speak.
I was offered a joba nd helped out at the bakery, unpaid. It was not long before it was suggested we go to his house. There alcohol was served. Before long sex was in the discussion and the gay porno was shown to me. Feeling the effects of a couple of drinks of alcohol aged twelve I was not in a position to think clearly. Soon I was being given a blow job and it felt so good and I was so confused. I was then rolled onto my stomach and he began to play with my anus. I panicked and said no, informing him I did not like that. With small talk and completely ignoring my certain comments being squealed at him that I did not want him touching my ass he held me down and forced himself into me. I remember screaming in pain and fright. I was so frightened. He ejaculated in me which I did not realise until I was walking home when it began leaking from me and showing as a wet parch on the back of my shorts. I got home and went immediately to the shower, scared Mum and Dad would see my hurts expression or more importantly my semen soaked back of shorts.
I got on with life for the next twenty years or so. As I got older I developed a hatred for anyone or any organisation who applies any form of control over me that is against my wishes. I have tried counselling but to no avail. So I am now older, have a serious mental problem in dealing with authority and feel my entire life was ruined by this filthy raping child abuser.
No one cares. No one! Being on a welfare benefit the women who look after me show no compassion or consideration for the mental effects of what occured. As an adult not one person hasbeen able to say….Hey Greg probably told us to fuck off etc because he is a rape victim and we should show compassion!
The theory that no matter what happens we should not be angry or swear at people is a load of bloody bullshit. We all hear about poor women raped and little about poor guys and the devastating effect on them.
The lack of moral and compassionate understanding by society has lead me to question at times why one would wish to continue in the face of such cruelty by society. I do not wish a lot but compassion and understanding of angers shown by me would make me a whole man again I am sure.
I hope my story can show that the effects of what zrape can and do, for many many years if not for life, and how society makes bloody little exceptions or few considerations when the raped act badly due to mental affects of the rape.
ACC insults me each five years with less than $20.00 weekly for this lifetime of distress, inability to work from anger problems and lack of self worth. At times I feel like telling them to stick such an insult into the proverbial backsides and keep it as it insults me being so little rccognition for such a devastating experience