When I was a teenager, I was in an abusive relationship. It started at 14, and everything seemed fine for the first year or so. He then began to be incredibly controlling, and was also unstable, insecure within himself and taking it out on me. It was mostly psychological, I was fat (a 160 cm tall 50 kg teenager fat?), stupid (top in almost all of my classes), and always wrong.
But when he drank, he would force himself on me, even if I wasn’t in the mood, when I said no, when I fought back. It happened more than once.
At the time, I didn’t realize that what he was doing was rape. I assumed we were in a relationship, it’s his right. Rape is only accompanied by physical assault, by a stranger.
It never occurred to me that what was happening was rape.
Since then I have learned, and many told me at the time that the relationship was bad.
I left after 3 years, but it wasn’t until after that that I began to realize the extent of the damage not only of the psychological abuse, but also the rape, because that’s what it was.
I have moved on, found a new partner, continued with my life, but I still feel ill at the thought of this ex, and the fact that I never confronted him about what he did. Even if I did, I believe he would not think that it was rape.
I have to deal with my demons, but what I wish is that young women were taught that they have the right to say no, and ANYONE who abuses that right is in the wrong.