My first sexual experience was non-consensual. It was my first date with a boy I liked, I was 18, it was my graduation night, lovely dress, corsage, elegant hair, I thought it was all perfect.  After the festivities, we parked up in his car and “necked”. I was no stranger to heavy petting but always with a boyfriend who respected my determination not to “go all the way”. Why I dumped him for this jerk is something I felt bad about for years. He ignored my pleas and forced himself on me.  Blood on my yellow organza dress. I was mortified, I believed it was my fault. I never could look him in the eye again. I felt dirty and embarked on a series of loser relationships where sex was a big part of it, I felt I had nothing more to lose so let myself be used. I never enjoyed sex for the next 20 years. Took me decades to understand it was all right to enjoy sex and not feel shamed about it.